Letting Go


September has been a difficult time for many years.  I always get stressed, major anxiety, go into depressive states, and try as I

might to be positive the negative seems to out weigh in every situation.

Mercury is in retrograde this year during Virgo’s cycle.  This is like a blessing and curse at the same time.  The cursed part is Mercury rules communication and seems to have an affect on electronics.  Can’t seem to put a coherent sentence together?  Cell phone suddenly doing strange things?  This could possibly be the retrograde or just coincidence.  This time I am without a doubt convinced the ruler of my sign (I’m a Virgo) being in retrograde has been kicking my ass.


But I can’t blame everything on “silly” astrology mumbo jumo.  Many of life’s hardships go way back.  (The bad feels are amplified at the moment from that Mercury thing.)  It comes in the form of having a huge heart on the inside, but having to follow what is just and true outside….personal feelings be damned.  The biggest hurt right now is having to end a 20+ year friendship.  I won’t go into the specific details as I find it rude and kind of makes you out to be the asshole to publicly shame individuals (even if sometimes it may seem like they deserve it, but I WILL announce people that are a danger to the public that our oh so wonderful justice system lets run amuck), but being used and betrayed are enough for me to realize we have grown to become different people with different morals that don’t work together.  As I linger on the pain of this long time friendship ending, memories of other hurts come flooding back.  Hard.  Excruciatingly hard.


The blessing side of retrograde is it’s time to let things go.  It’s time to release whatever is holding you back from becoming the best you ever.  It doesn’t matter if it’s finally throwing away math papers from grade school, changing your eating & exercise regime or if it’s releasing toxic people from your life.  It’s a time to focus on what serves you best in life and let go of what’s not.  Burn the papers, get rid of the boxed mac & cheese, delete that contact information.  It’s OK.  Difficult, but ok.  Once you get through the initial act of letting go, you’ll feel a huge weight lifted off your soul.  Focus on taking care of you.  Take long walks and baths.  Eat better food & cleansed the processed crap out of your system.  Learn to love yourself without the soul sucking vampires.  You, I, WE deserve it.  This is OUR life.  Stop being an asshole and stop putting up with assholes.

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Stress, diet & exercise

Stress, food & exercise

zoom_profileI had SOOO many topics to choose from for this month's blog. But then life happened....and I couldn't find words for any of it. Life has been happening a lot lately. I haven't looked into it, but am thinking the stars & planets have some funky alignment going on because MANY people I know have life happening. And not the good life stuff. I'm talking pending lawsuits, frustration trying to get my daughter the right medical care, a 25 year friendship ending (NEVER mix business with those you love.), financial stress, business stress, people being cheated on, school starting, etc. sort of life crap.

What makes now different than any other time life kicks my ass? I am consciously choosing to NOT let it kill me. I'm not home wallowing in self-pity, quitting my workouts, stuffing my face with crap I know is going to make me sick. When we get stressed our body produces and stores cortisol. Too much is bad. It can have long term side effects such as memory loss, weight gain, insomnia and depression just to name a few.

I'm ALSO choosing to fight the food cravings. It's not easy. I want to kill for chocolate sometimes. But I know that chocolate cravings are usually a sign of insufficient magnesium, so have been trying alternative foods (like bananas) first. If it doesn't work, then I might cave. But just a little...usually starting with my nutrition shake to see if that'll stop the madness before the brownies.

I can't say the forced exercise and push to eat healthy is making everything hunky-dorey. I have honestly put on a few pounds, which is adding to the stress as I have my various annual health screenings coming up. The last thing I need is more weight. BUT I can say it's helping to keep me out of the state mental hospital or jail. It's also helping me stay off medication. Many people run to find that "magic pill" when they start noticing the side effects of stress. But after 12 years of research, self-study, therapy, and personal development I've learned to recognize what the heck is going on. I also hate pill popping, so alternative is better for me.

What is the best alternative? Eat as clean as you can (sanely) and get regular exercise. Seriously. It's also cheaper. And I know I'm not getting paid to give me something that's actually bad for me, like many doctors and big pharma.

So even though I'm completely devastated at my friend being a dumbass, feel like I'm walking through a mine field with my daughter, and have moments I want to start beating people with baseball bats the fact remains the same that the best relief is getting off my ass no matter how bad I want to binge watch entire series and by leaving all the sugary crap at the grocery store. I'm exhausted, but it's my life. This temporary thing is just that...temporary. There's no point in letting it ruin the rest of my life.

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Life change with no support

Collage 2016-07-10 17_40_31One of the hardest things to do is change your life. Any part of it. We are creatures of habit that don’t do well to adversity. So when we’re ready to embark on a new journey, but those around us aren’t ready for us to change, they kind of “freak out” a little. They bombard us with questions to the point we start to second, third, fourth and hundredth guess ourselves and the decision we came to in the first place.


When I first decided to take control of my health, no one around me really took it seriously. There was a lot of “well, I guess my cooking isn’t good enough for you” and “don’t expect me to change what I’m doing” and on, and on, and on. It was HARD. I already felt like shit about myself. I had never in my life been above a size M/L….and that’s the biggest I got with my first pregnancy. So when medication caused me to go from a size 5 to not being able to sit in a booth at a restaurant within 4-6 weeks, but the doctor said it was normal, it became too much. Too much physically, and mentally/emotionally. I had vowed after that baby was born to get back down to my “normal” size. I wasn’t expecting anyone to change anything for me. I didn’t want special treatment or accommodation. I just hoped for encouragement, but it would be awhile before that came.


At first, I tried to hide my agenda. Drink at least a full glass of water before eating, no more 2nd helpings, and food was NOT allowed to touch on my plate. Would anyone notice if I don’t eat that dish? How much salad can I eat and how little of the other stuff can I get away with before being questioned. Got to feed the baby, I’ll eat later (waaaaaay later). “Why is everyone obsessed with my eating? I got 50lbs I can lose according to the BMI chart. Who cares if I skip a meal or 3?” Any of this sound familiar?


Getting more physical was the easy part. I had always wanted to try belly dancing, so signed up for a class 2 nights a week. Swimming lessons at the Y? They wouldn’t allow parents in the area to watch so may as well go check out that equipment room. Did I get everything I needed at the store? Yes, but better make another lap around the isles “just in case.”


It honestly wasn’t until my blood work from an annual physical for work came back with some concerning results that I began to see a change in others behavior. It wasn’t enough to say “I want to lose weight,” but when it was “my cholesterol levels have risen to the point of being concerning” and then the health practitioner saying “it sounds like you’re borderline hypoglycemic” that people slowed with the questions. Small sigh of relief, yet major disappointment at the same time.


I took the relief and started becoming more aggressive in reversing the damage. I’ll be damned if I was going to end up on cholesterol medication before 30!! That’s when the research started. Which led to more questions and frustration. Learning about what kind of food to eat and what to avoid and why without help is a nightmare! What was good information and what wasn’t? Why are these articles so contradicting? Who’s right and who is looking to profit off my medical issues?


All of this was dealt with alone. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. Eventually I was able to figure out some reliable sources and pay for some classes to help figure out WTF with all this food business. So far, no cholesterol meds and I was able to stop taking all of my “needed” supplement pills. I have also found that I’m not alone in the struggle…there are a LOT of people who don’t know anything but need to do something. In order to help me, it’s easier to help others.


Lots of Love,

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Beginnings & Gratitude

Holy Cow, my first entry!


Well, the first thing I think we need to talk about is GRATITUDE. Since beginning this whole living better thing, one of the toughest lessons has been figuring out that without gratitude, things will most likely fail.  I don't say this callously.  It's NOT easy to be genuinely thankful or to see the positive in, well, anything sometimes.  Especially when life seems to consistently hand you piles of shit in a hurricane.


But that doesn't mean it's impossible. The key is to write it down and keep it someplace you will be reminded of those moments frequently. Seriously, keep it in your face. Like almost annoyingly in your face.  Why?  So it can be reflected on and as a reminder that even through the crap storm there's some good. Here are some ideas:


~ Keep a document in your phone on your home screen (easy access)
~ Use a notebook and keep it on the counter. In your way. All the time.
~ Clear a wall. Paint a bare tree (like those Family tree decor things). Use your thankful moments as leaves and watch your tree bloom.
~ Use a dry erase board, message board, cork board....or any other similar item to display your blessings


Get the whole house involved. The more positive and thankful everyone becomes, the better life is. Everything seems to fall into place. Your overall health and wellness will improve.  The depressive binge eating pizza and ice cream sessions seem to come fewer and further between.

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