One of the hardest things to do is change your life. Any part of it. We are creatures of habit that don’t do well to adversity. So when we’re ready to embark on a new journey, but those around us aren’t ready for us to change, they kind of “freak out” a little. They bombard us with questions to the point we start to second, third, fourth and hundredth guess ourselves and the decision we came to in the first place.
When I first decided to take control of my health, no one around me really took it seriously. There was a lot of “well, I guess my cooking isn’t good enough for you” and “don’t expect me to change what I’m doing” and on, and on, and on. It was HARD. I already felt like shit about myself. I had never in my life been above a size M/L….and that’s the biggest I got with my first pregnancy. So when medication caused me to go from a size 5 to not being able to sit in a booth at a restaurant within 4-6 weeks, but the doctor said it was normal, it became too much. Too much physically, and mentally/emotionally. I had vowed after that baby was born to get back down to my “normal” size. I wasn’t expecting anyone to change anything for me. I didn’t want special treatment or accommodation. I just hoped for encouragement, but it would be awhile before that came.
At first, I tried to hide my agenda. Drink at least a full glass of water before eating, no more 2nd helpings, and food was NOT allowed to touch on my plate. Would anyone notice if I don’t eat that dish? How much salad can I eat and how little of the other stuff can I get away with before being questioned. Got to feed the baby, I’ll eat later (waaaaaay later). “Why is everyone obsessed with my eating? I got 50lbs I can lose according to the BMI chart. Who cares if I skip a meal or 3?” Any of this sound familiar?
Getting more physical was the easy part. I had always wanted to try belly dancing, so signed up for a class 2 nights a week. Swimming lessons at the Y? They wouldn’t allow parents in the area to watch so may as well go check out that equipment room. Did I get everything I needed at the store? Yes, but better make another lap around the isles “just in case.”
It honestly wasn’t until my blood work from an annual physical for work came back with some concerning results that I began to see a change in others behavior. It wasn’t enough to say “I want to lose weight,” but when it was “my cholesterol levels have risen to the point of being concerning” and then the health practitioner saying “it sounds like you’re borderline hypoglycemic” that people slowed with the questions. Small sigh of relief, yet major disappointment at the same time.
I took the relief and started becoming more aggressive in reversing the damage. I’ll be damned if I was going to end up on cholesterol medication before 30!! That’s when the research started. Which led to more questions and frustration. Learning about what kind of food to eat and what to avoid and why without help is a nightmare! What was good information and what wasn’t? Why are these articles so contradicting? Who’s right and who is looking to profit off my medical issues?
All of this was dealt with alone. I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. Eventually I was able to figure out some reliable sources and pay for some classes to help figure out WTF with all this food business. So far, no cholesterol meds and I was able to stop taking all of my “needed” supplement pills. I have also found that I’m not alone in the struggle…there are a LOT of people who don’t know anything but need to do something. In order to help me, it’s easier to help others.
Lots of Love,